Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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