cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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