I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
