She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
