I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
