Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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