For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
