Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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