you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
