We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
