I only kidnapped one of them. chill
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
