Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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