hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
