is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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