I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
