Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
