Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
my shit smells like andre
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
