Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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