Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
