Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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