Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
