Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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