he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Welp...herpes.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
