george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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