Sry I called you an 8
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
