i was born a porn star she said
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
