how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
