it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I touched a dick in church today
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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