You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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