Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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