They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
