So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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