I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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