also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
