Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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