Can Purell be used as lube?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
