I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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