That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
