my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
