remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
