also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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