Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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