I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
