I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
