the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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