I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Randomize
