Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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