Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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