As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
