does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
