I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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