I like to think it a success when the cops are called
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
