Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
