Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
