you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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