I must be too annoying 4 u.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
