I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
