i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
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