Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
