FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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