I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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