She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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