Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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