I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
